Buckland Weekly #17 : Feeling Prepared? Well Don't

Given the recent lack of posts this would probably be better titled Buckland Intermittently. I'll try to do better.

As always this post represents the views of the author and not any official view of the company.

So you're ready.

You read books and internet articles.

You are prepared for things to be different.

You are looking forward to a great adventure.

Maybe you even learned a little Chinese to prepare yourself.

In short, you are ready. China is waiting.

Well let's try a little quiz. Try answering these questions. It's easy. They are all Yes or No.

Have you ever lived alone in another country for six months or more?

Have you ever lived somewhere where you are immediately and obviously identifiable as foreign?

Have you ever lived somewhere where you have no language in common with anyone else?

Have you ever been in a situation where you need help for something as simple as buying milk?

Have you ever been in a situation where total strangers think its OK to stare at you, photograph you or even walk up and touch you?

Have you ever lived surrounded by people with whom you have no common cultural reference points – where you don't know the same movies, books, music, sports teams – anything?

If you answered “Yes” to most of the above, then congratulations, you may actually be prepared, but the more times you answered “no” the less prepared you really are. If you answered “no” to all of them then, sorry, you aren't prepared at all. The reality is that you are entering a situation that can't be prepared for unless you have actually done it before.

You will find small things frustrating. You will feel helpless as a newborn baby.

You have a headache. How do you tell the pharmacist that you want Ibuprofen? How do you know that what he gave you is what you wanted? How do you read the all-important dosage and side-effects leaflet. I once tried to buy a tube of antiseptic for a cut and ended up with burn ointment.

You go the park and sit quietly reading your book only to be interrupted every five minutes by people coming to stand and stare at you. The bolder ones come and try to talk to you but exhaust their English and your Chinese in two sentences then just stand there. You end up staying in your room all the time because it's just easier.

You try to have a conversation with a colleague who nods enthusiastically only for you to gradually realise that while he understands the words you are saying he has no idea what you are actually talking about because he doesn't know what Downton Abbey is or why you think it is important.

You are asked to go to KTV with other teachers (even though karaoke is the last thing you feel like doing) but they won't take “no” for an answer and you end up going and feeling miserable because you don't want to sing and you don't want to drink and nobody gets why you feel that way.

You try to explain why all this is so frustrating to you but absolutely no one understands your problem. They just tell you that people are curious about the foreigner who has come to live among them.

As I say, small things. The trouble is that a lot of small things can end up indistinguishable from one very big thing if you let them. And there is almost nothing you can do to prevent those feelings. When I say you will find things frustrating, I mean it literally. It's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when. The only question is how long you can hold out for before it all becomes too much.

So, what should you do? It's not an easy question.

First of all you need to learn two things – how to separate the important stuff from the trivial stuff and how to let the trivial stuff go. Look again at those examples. Only the headache problem is important at all because you don't want to take the wrong kind of medicine. Imagine going to the pharmacy to buy Imodium and accidentally ending up with a laxative because your desperate mime has been misinterpreted.

As for the other things they are all, in themselves, trivial. Yes, it's annoying when people stare at you because you come from a culture where that would be indescribably rude. It isn't like that here. Of course they are staring at you because you are different but there is a different sense of personal space here so it doesn't feel rude to the people doing it. Of course it would be nice (for me) to discuss the latest episodes of Doctor Who with someone who knows what Daleks and Sontarans are but it isn't likely to happen. I've met the occasional student who has seen TV shows that I like but it's rare.

When they try to get you to go to KTV or to school dinners they are trying to help but it feels intrusive - as if you are being forced into things against your will, as if you have no control, no say in what is happening. From their point of view they are just trying to include you and culturally refusing an invitation here is a bigger deal than it would be back home because it can cause a loss of face for the person inviting you. Giving,accepting and refusing invitations here can be a complicated business. 

I'd advise you, after the orientation program to make sure you stay in touch with other teachers. Wechat is a good way. You can have free phone conversations for as long as you like. I have a friend who, while he is still in China, now works for a different company. We talk on the phone most days. I talk to him far more than I talk to my Chinese girlfriend. That's because casual passing references to obscure bits of British TV will be understood. Or, for example, if I refer to the Daily Mail or the Daily Telegraph a Chinese colleague will probably get that they are newspapers but my friend will understand the differences between them without needing a long explanation.

A daily chat with someone who understands what you are talking about can go a long way to ease your frustrations.

But what if you still find things building up inside until you feel like a pressure cooker that's about to explode?

Don't let it get that far. In orientation you'll get plenty of ways to contact me. If I'm not here – if I've returned to England – there will probably be someone like me. When you feel things beginning to get you down contact someone at the office. Explain the problem. Just talking about it might help.