Eating With Friends

There is a point of dining etiquette that people new to China may not be aware of. It's best illustrated by a story from my early days in Baiyin. There were, at that time several foreign teachers in the city and one of them had a birthday coming and decided to celebrate in a local restaurant that we used quite a lot. She invited all the teachers and a similar number of Chinese friends and we went and had a good meal and a good evening but things turned a little sour at the end. She was expecting the western custom of splitting the bill - which the teachers all understood - but that just isn't the way things work in China. Over here if you invite someone to join you for dinner, whether formally or casually, it's expected that you will be paying the whole bill. The Chinese guest were seriously unimpressed.

With that said, it can be quite difficult to live up to the obligation. A few months ago I was revisiting Baiyin and took a bunch of friends out o dinner. I was fully expecting to pay but only managed it by a whisker and by sneaking out during the meal. Mere minutes after I had paid one of my friends also went out, only to return looking rather nonplussed a few moments later. He had tried to pay the bill only to be informed that I had already paid it.

The correct etiquette is for the host to pay. If others offer it's polite to refuse and if you see anyone surreptitiously leaving the meal it's best to follow them and then race them to the cashier so that you can pay first.